Recently in law school Category

One day down, one to go. And I survived.

Nine essays and two performance tests and I am officially halfway through the bar. Today was the day I was nervous about. Tomorrow is all multiple choice, and I have a pretty good handle on all six subjects they can test on. Today was all essay ... and they could test on fifteen different subjects?! I had no idea what to expect. Tomorrow I am prepared for.

The good news is that there was no commercial paper question, and no trusts question. We got hit with admin (my favorite!), federal civ pro, crim pro, contracts, agency, corporations, evidence, family law, and something else that I can't remember at the moment. There were a few questions that I felt absolutely stellar about and a few that were a little shaky but I don't think horrible. And I made it through all of the questions with a minute or two to spare, which I think is a good thing (either that or I missed a lot of stuff that I should have included). I'm feeling pretty confident right now.

Oh, but its a grueling process. When all was said and done I was at the test site for almost eleven hours today. Eleven hours. That's a long damn time. We were getting plenty of sympathy from the procters, which was actually kind of nice. And thank god Colorado is not as anal as some states - food, drinks, sweatshirts, gum ... all allowed. I have already heard some horror stories from some of my friends who took the exam elsewhere that they spent most of the test ridiculously hungry or thirsty or whatever.

It wasn't fun, but it wasn't that bad either.

The best part about the day was that I got to see so many people I knew. There are quite a few people I graduated with living in Denver now, and it was so nice to see a friendly face. I also ran into a friend I made at barbri, a guy I used to work at a gear shop with, and a chick from my study abroad program from two summers ago. I wouldn't call the bar fun, but its not horrid either. And WOW there were a LOT of people there!

And at this time tomorrow I will be done. My mountain bike is freshly tuned and sitting in the garage just waiting for my attention. The road bike is ready to go. Every time I go into the garage the camping gear nudges me (ok, that's because our garage is TINY and I can't help hitting the camping gear every time I go to my car) and says "when do we get to go to the mountains?". Soon. Very very soon.

I very rarely ever get sick. Sure, I get lots of sinus headaches and allergy related sniffles and stomach aches from eating way too much ice cream, but when it comes to knock down drag out sickyness, I'm usually pretty lucky. So why oh why did I have to come down with the illness from hell during the last week of my last round of law school finals??

I have spent a good chunk of the last three days in bed. Not laying in bed studying, but laying in bed coughing and sneezing and wheezing. I've got a sore throat and a fever and a head so stuffed up I can barely see straight. Oh, and I have a final tomorrow and two take homes due later in the week.

I have barely studied for tomorrow's final and even if I had, unless I feel significantly better all the studying in the world is not going to help me. Right now, three hours seems like a long time to be upright and awake PERIOD, let alone trying to focus. And of course, this being, oh, seven days before I graduate, I need to get all of my finals taken (and passed!) this week. Even if I could somehow get a few extra days to study before the final I'm supposed to take tomorrow it would just screw up the finals I have left.

This is really not good ... I just need to pass ....

If there's one thing I hate about law school, its what finals time does to me. Both physically and mentally.

I somehow managed to plan my schedule this semester so that I would have the finals time from hell. I have two classes this semester that are pretty writing intensive, with lots of papers and parts of papers due throughout the semester. It was a lot of work, but I kept telling myself "yeah, but when finals roll around, you'll be LOVING how easy it is without finals in these two classes!". It did NOT work out that way.

My week is looking something like this:

Monday: 10 page take home final due, 2 p.m. in-class final in my Terrorism class
Tuesday: 9 a.m. Public Lands final (yeah, not a lot of break in between those figuring in at least a few hours for sleep)
Wednesday: 20 page paper due in my 1:00 Urban Planning class. Oh, and I actually have to GO to class, because the rest of the University hasn't started finals yet.

Yeah, back to back finals are pretty common in undergrad. But this is not undergrad. These finals count for my entire grade. And its not like the material is exactly easy. And its not like I'm naturally brilliant. I have to work pretty hard to do even marginally well.

It has been a ROUGH 48 hours, but I'm on the downslope. I have five more pages to finish up on my Planning paper and then I can call it quits, for at least a day or so.

My brain hurts. But more than my brain, my back hurts and my neck hurts and my head hurts and I'm SO tired. I thrive on balance and finals time feels ANYTHING but balanced. I didn't go to work this week and I won't go to work next week. I can't tell you the last time I got a workout in and yesterday ALL I wanted to do was ride my mountain bike.

Thank GOD I only have ONE more round of finals after this semester. I'm not sure my body could handle any more!

They say that the third year of law school is the easiest, and in some ways, they're right. I'm not worried about finals, I don't get nervous before class, I know what to expect. At the same time, I'm more busy now than ever before. Between the clinic and work, I feel like I'm drowning in responsibility on a regular basis. I don't know that I've ever felt that way before.

But its not the amount of things I need to do and the lack of time that I have to do them that keeps me awake at night. Its the future. I'm one of the vast majority of members of my law school class that doesn't have anything lined up yet for post-graduation. While some of my classmates are freaking out about that, I'm not. I know things will work out.

But I spend hour upon hour pouring over websites, looking for jobs, trying to figure out where I want to go and what I want (or more importantly, don't want) to do. I'd love to stay at the job I'm at now. I love the work and the people and while this wouldn't be my first choice of a place to move to if I could pick anywhere in the whole country, it really is a pretty good place to live. We don't have mountains or beaches but we have good weather and great riding (both road and mountain), low cost of living, great schools, and really nice (altho a little conservative for my taste) people. I'd pretty much turn down any other job to get to keep the gig I have now.

But staying where I am isn't a sure thing at the moment. I think I will get an offer eventually, but I need to keep my options open just in case. And that is where everything gets confusing. There are a lot of cities I'd love to live in ... Denver, Portland (Maine or Oregon), Minneapolis, Boise, Spokane/CDA, maybe Salt Lake ... but its finding jobs in those places that I actually want to do that is making it pretty difficult. Those places all have big firms and if I wanted to work for a big firm, I'd be set. But I don't. There's a gig in Portland (the Oregon version) that I'm going to apply for which would probably be a pretty perfect match. And I've found entry level openings in both DC and Honolulu that I'd LOVE to do ... but I don't know that I really want to live in either of those places.

Its all taking up a lot of time and a lot of energy. Its scary and exciting at the same time. With any luck, this will be the last time for a long time that I will find myself without a job and the ability to go anywhere. The boyfriend's job/industry is pretty flexible so, while I do have to consider his employment options, its not as tough for him as it could be, assuming we move some place that qualifies as at least small city status.

While its all a little overwhelming, I think I will probably look back on this time, from the comfort of my desk at my reasonably well-paying job, and think it was a GREAT time in my life. Standing on the edge of being self-supporting (finally) and an actual contributing member of society (finally) is not a bad place to be.

Last night we officially celebrated the end of my summer gig. The afternoon started in the office, eating cake and drinking soda. Then the other two interns and I and our supervisor and our boss headed out to a martini bar for cosmos and then it was to La Bodega for some tapas and sangria. By the end of the night I was very full and very sad to see my internship coming to a close.

I loved working there. I loved it way way more than I had expected to. I feel like I learned more during my 10 weeks there than I have learned thus far in my two years of law school.

And now the waiting game begins. I can't imagine working anywhere else. I loved the job, the work, the people, the hours ... its a PERFECT fit for me and I want very very badly to come back in a year and stay for good. I get the feeling that they would like to hire me, its just a matter of having a position available. So, we wait and hope that that comes true, and that if it does, I'm high enough up on the want-to-hire list that I get an offer. I would take it in a heartbeat. I think my chances are good but how nice would it be to KNOW so that I didn't have to worry so much about finding a job during my third year of law school?

My summer internship is quickly drawing to a close. I have 2.5 more weeks and then a week and a half off and then its back to the grind at school. The subject of much conversation among us three interns this last week or so has been "So ... what are you doing next year?" - which for two of us, means "What are you doing after you graduate?"

The other girl who is graduating and I both desperately want to stay with the Agency. We have no idea how many positions will be available (or if there will be ANY available, although in the last few years they seem to have hired many an intern, so the chances look good for us) and that is bringing out the competitive side of both of us. I have managed to avoid the whole cutthroat competition thing during law school because, well, it all seemed pretty arbitrary to me. Finishing in the top 10% or top 20% or top 50% really didn't mean much more than that you finished in the top 10 or 20 or 50%. But now finishing at the top of this little intern group might mean getting a job or not. The stakes are much much higher.

I don't mind competition. In fact, I'm a very very competitive person. But this whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. It has suddenly become very serious and very winner take all and a little bit behind-the-back of the other person. I talked to my supervisor about whether or not I can come back to work in the fall one day a week (answer pending - all depends on funding), the other intern went to lunch today with our supervisor to talk about tips on how to get a job. Neither of us mentioned what we did to the other beforehand. Its not like either of us is doing anything wrong or malicious, but it just feels weird and very uncomfortable. And she's made several comments that make it very clear that she knows I'm the competition. Yuck.

But with all this also comes the realization that I need to have a backup plan. I will surely apply at a few of the regional offices (although NOT all of them because some are in cities that I have absolutely no interest in living in) as well as maybe at some other government agencies and perhaps some small firms. I'll also probably look into maybe doing an LLM, to get experience, but also to give myself another year to get a job I really dig. Only problem with an LLM, along with paying for another year of school, is that it would likely take me away from the boyfriend for a year. I'm not sure how we'd handle that. I'm fairly certain he wouldn't want to move to a new city for just a year, although, I'm sure he would really like Portland.

Its all very exciting and whatnot, but also very VERY daunting. I just want to

This evening I was chatting with a friend of mine when the subject of summer jobs came up. He told me that he STILL has yet to acquire gainful employment for the summer and he's incredibly frustrated. I understand his frustration. He's in the top ten or fifteen percent of the class, on moot court, in a clinic, and incredibly intelligent. He did a full round of OCIs last semester, had probably ten screening interviews, one callback, and no job offers. He's had several interviews since then and still no luck. He announced to me today that he would be trying to write on to law review for next year because he 'can't get a job' so he obviously needs SOMETHING else to stand out, make him a more attractive candidate, etc.

I couldn't help but think "Not being on law review ISN'T your problem". Sure, a good number of the people he's competing with for these gigs ARE on law reivew, but I don't think thats going to help him. It will only make his resume look even more like everyone else's. What he needs is passion, excitement, enthusiasm, maybe a new interview strategy. For someone with his qualifications, at least as they appear on paper, to be having this much trouble finding summer employment, I have a hard time believing it has anything to do with how his resume looks. This guy is mellooooow - way mellow. To the point of seeming apathetic, even though he's not. I can't help but think that this must come across when he interviews. I can't think of why else he hasn't found employment yet.

I'm not saying I'm an expert at the interview process, but seeing as I'm one for one internship wise, I must have done SOMETHING right. When I had my interview for my summer gig, I went in there having made the decision that I was going to be myself (well, the professional version of myself). No faking interest in things I wasn't interested in, but also, no holding back enthusiasm for the things I was. I have a feeling that I came across as incredibly dorky and wide-eyed and naive, but it worked. And I didn't project myself as someone that I'm not. They know what they're getting in me and I feel very comfortable knowing that.

I want to sit my friend down and tell him "look ... you're ranked a zillion times higher, your GPA is probably a full grade point better ... but you need to listen to me... find something you're excited about and follow it. Employers can see right through that fake bullshit. And for the love of god, don't do law review just because you feel like you NEED to."

I've been really really surprised this semester by which classes I find interesting and enjoyable and which seem tedious. I really dig my Secured Transactions class, which I honestly thought I would hate. I like all three of my enviro classes. Much to my surprise, its the class I took for "fun", that I really thought I would dig, that I just can't get into.

I signed up to take International Human Rights thinking I would LOVE the class. I thought we'd be talking about genocide and FGM and all sorts of disgustingly horrible but also very interesting and compelling stuff. We've had five classes so far, and we haven't even gotten close to that. Yesterday we spent the entire hour and a half talking about whether the U.S. ratifiying international treaties and following international law would lead to a lack of respect from the world community as a whole. This whole discussion was based on two journal articles we were supposed to read for class. I just kept sitting there thinking ... this stuff was really published in an academic journal???

It was all very touchy feely to me. Maybe my background in " hard sciences" has given me very little tolerance for "soft science" type journal articles. I don't know, all I know is I found it incredibly dull. I said this to my best friend, who is also in the class and headed to a PhD program after law school, and she nearly pushed me off the curb into oncoming traffic. She loooooves this stuff and doesn't understand how anyone couldn't enjoy it.

I really wish I liked the class more. The professor is an amazing and inspiring woman. She's funny and engaging and beyond intelligent. I'm just having a very hard time getting into it.

I talked to my dad today about my PR grade. I wasn't afraid that he would be mad (I mean ... what would he do ... ground me?) but I was afraid he would be disappointed. I should have given him more credit. He was very calm and very supportive and very "I'm still proud of you!" and I just feel sooo much better now!

Then, my mom and I had the following conversation:

Me: I've never failed anything in my life!!

My mom: That's not true! You failed your driving test!

Me: *laughing* I guess that's true ...

My mom: And I'm sure you'll fail something again in the future ... you DO have to take the BAR!

Uh ... thanks mom! ;)

Despite my "I'm gonna kick law school squarely in the ass" post from earlier today, I am filled with doubt. I have never felt so inadequate as a student in my life.

Its not just the F, which I have come to realize was absolutely ridiculous in light of 1/3rd of the class failing. Its that the rest of my grades aren't great either. I work my ass off ... for C+'s and a couple B's??? Every semester, the same thing. My neighbor today told me that he "only" got two A's this semester. I wanted to cry.

I feel like such a failure. Like maybe I'm not smart enough for this. There were times in college that I didn't do as well as I would have liked, but that was because of my own lack of focus. I don't think thats the case here. I think thats part of why I'm so frustrated - because I feel like, no matter what I do, I'm not going to do well. And I know thats a terrible attitude to have.

I was told before coming to law school that one of the hardest things new law students deal with is the fact that they were at the top of their undergrad classes, and all of a sudden they are competing with all these people who were also at the top of their undergrad classes. That people who got A's and B's without really having to work for it would get B's and C's in law school, despite an enormous amount of effort.

Last year it didn't phase me. I swore when I started law school that I wouldn't let the competitive nature of the whole experience get to me, but I'm being sucked in. Big time. And I hate it. I hate feeling like my worth is lower because my GPA is. I know this mentality is ridiculous. Intellectually, I realize that I'm surrounded by smart people, and I realize that I am one of them. But I don't feel that way.

And it goes beyond the GPA. I worry that my lackluster grades indicate a future as a lackluster lawyer. Someday I am going to be representing clients - and if my rank in law school is any indication, I probably won't be all that good at it. I know people say that the practice of law is very different from law school, but at the moment I'm having a hard time believing it. Maybe I'm just not smart enough.

Why am I so freaked out right now?? Everyone says law school gets so much easier and that the stress level drops dramatically in your second year. But for me, right now, its just the opposite.

I don't know. I've got a bit of a cold at the moment. Maybe thats where all this negativity is coming from. Maybe not. This is the first time I've ever really considered leaving law school (don't worry, I'm not).