law school: September 2004 Archives

It all began in class on Friday when a friend of mine was telling me about this law firm open house thing she had gone to the night before. It was at a swanky firm in Kansas City, with a couple hundred lawyers and offices in even more cities. The lawyer she was talking was telling her how great of a job he has… how he is “lucky” because he makes good money and “usually” gets to leave by 7 every day. It makes me wonder what a “bad” job is.

That conversation spurred all sorts of doubts and fears in my mind about whether or not I’m in going into the right field. After thinking about this in entirely too much depth, and reading the blogs of some seemingly happily employed lawyer types with, at least on the surface, a similar mindset as my own, I came to the conclusion that I was most likely being silly, and that I am doing the right thing.

I guess the one doubt that didn’t get cleared up was the implications of the type of law I am wanting to go into. I started law school thinking that I want to go into environmental law. And I still think that that is what would make me feel the happiest and most fulfilled – provided I could find the kind of job I so desperately want. Just for fun the other day I ran a search for jobs for environmental lawyers (I also ran a similar search for Urban Planning jobs, since I still at times toy with the idea of picking up the joint degree program) and it seems like there’s a whole lot more work out there for people who want to represent chemical and oil and logging companies than those who want to do a little good with their degree, which was highly unsettling to me.

It makes me wonder if there is a point where you care about what you may potentially spend your time doing TOO much. I’m pretty good at seeing both sides of most stories. I can see how two opposing parties can have different interests that they are attempting to protect, and how there really is no right answer. I know this probably makes me sound completely immature in a profession where you are supposed to be able to set your values aside and represent your client’s interests. But what do you do when you find your clients’ interests morally repugnant? I’m not quite sure that I could stomach going to bed at night knowing that I was getting paid good money to help Weyerhaeuser find ways to cut more old-growth. What I need to figure out is whether or not I will have the option to turn down those kind of jobs when they arise… will there BE something else?

It makes me wonder if I should not maybe look into other areas of the law, or at least keep my options open. I have a pretty clear general idea in my head of what I want in my life. I want a happy, safe, healthy family. I want a dog. I want to make the kind of money that allows me to live comfortably and do some traveling and be able to take my bike to the shop for repairs without having to worry about whether or not I can afford it. I have no desire to be rich. And I’m not gunning for the prestige that seems to motivate so many of my classmates. I want to feel like the work that I’m doing actually matters in some way.

Over the next couple years I need to cultivate these ideas into something much more clear. And then find out how to get there. Its going to take a lot of time and energy and picking of the brains of those who know way way more about this stuff than I do. Happy lawyer-types out there, prepare for your brain to be picked!

I knew I was going to be called on in contracts today. So I decided to do all the rest of my studying for today last night and leave contracts for this morning so it would be fresh in my brain when I got called on. I set the alarm for 6. Why it went off at 8:30 is beyond me. I rushed around like mad trying to get ready for class and find some time to squeeze my reading in only to discover that my syallabus for contracts, which was most certainly present in my life last night when I looked for it, was nowhere to be found. Fabulous.

So I hauled my butt to campus and found someone who was a much more responsible student than I and actually had their syllabus to find out the assignment. Then I made the executive decision to skip CivPro (a lecture that only usually confuses me more anyway) and spend the hour reading contracts.

I made it through the entire reading assignment, but of course as luck would have it, the minute I was called on it all slipped away. I had my first Soctratic brainfart.

I'm hoping it wasn't as painful for those around me as it was for me because in my mind the silence seemed to go on forever. I think I managed to somehow pull off a somewhat intelligent (if poorly reasoned) response, so that was good. And in a way I feel like I won.

To calm the frazzled nerves and enjoy the beautiful weather I camped out on the terrace at the campus coffeeshop and studied in the sunshine. It was wonderful and calming. Being on main campus, where I spent so much time as an undergrad did wonders to revive my spirit. It reminded me of how far I've come to get to where I am. And being around new faces was about as refreshing as Tad's Tropical Sno on a hot August day.

Finished the afternoon off discussing the finer points of felting over pad thai with the maternal figure.

And now, I finish up my very first to-be-graded law school paper and then curl up in bed. Tomorrow's Friday yanno!

I got a happy birthday phone call from my uncle today. I wasn't home when he called so he left me a nice voicemail message. One of the things he said was "I hope law school is going well... I bet thats a lot of stress" ... he actually sounded sad and concerned. What he doesn't realize is that its really not that bad, not yet at least.

My days have been going a little something like this:

6:30 get up...
7-9-ish study/drink coffee....
930-230 (with a few variations depending on the day) class
330-430 nap :)
430-630 study
630-7 eat
7-9 study
9-10-ish run/lift/yoga/etc
10-1130ish study
And I've been in bed by midnight every night.

Its a somewhat crazy routine but one that I'm settling into rather nicely. I've also managed to get a few morning workouts in and tomorrow the whole thing might get moved around because I plan on mountain biking after class. But its not that bad. Class can be boring or interesting depending on the day, but is rarely stressful. And when I'm studying I'm usually on my porch or at my kitchen table in my pj's, cup of coffee in hand and chill music on the stereo... no stress there.

I realize that when the big writing assignements start and dreaded finals time gets closer the stress level will rise quite a bit. Its been interresting to watch the reactions of my classmates to law school... some are pretty freaked out... by being called on, by the workload, etc... some don't have a care in the world. I wouldn't say I fall quite that far to the "no worries" side (which is probably a good thing), but I'm definitly closer to that than I am to having a nervous breakdown (which is also a good thing). My non-Type-A-ness might just serve me well in law school after all.

Now if only I could get my computer to work...