the breakdown:
Bar review course: $2,200
Price to take exam: $700
Extra fee for computer use on exam: $100
Cost of pencils, erasers, and earplugs: $10
Finding out you failed the bar by one point: PRICELESS
276 was the score I needed to pass ye olde Colorado Bar Exam.
275 was the score I got.
The crazy thing is that I'm just not that upset about it. Don't get me wrong, there were tears shed when I saw the pass list and realized my name wasn't on it. Failing anything pretty much sucks, especially for overachiever types such as myself. Oh yeah, I was upset .... but the strange thing is ... once I got over the shock there was a big part of me that felt relieved. It seemed like a strange reaction but when I called Josh to tell him I failed what he said seemed to express what I think a very big part of me was feeling ... "Great, now you don't have to be a lawyer!".
So now I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm sure I can pass the damn thing the second time around ... especially since I missed it by such a ridiculously narrow margin. But I need to figure out if that is what I want to do. The magnitude of the feeling of relief was a little bit alarming. I had managed to push my doubts about my chosen line of work out of my mind for quite a while ... and all those doubts suddenly came rushing back when I suddenly realized I had options. Yes, I feel like failing the bar somehow gave me more options.
So now I'm in limbo. I've got to figure out where this relief and these doubts are coming from and I need to figure out whether I want to shift gears or take the test again. Fortunately I have a while to get all of this straight in my head before I need to make any decisions.
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