the world is my oyster (revisited)

All last week I had to fight the urge to make a frustrated self-pitying post about how I don't have a job yet. Everyone at school seems to be obsessed at the moment with bar applications* and I got sucked in - which was terrifying seeing as I don't even know where I want to take the bar. I was depressed and anxious and feeling very very hopeless.

I have posted before on this subject. Since writing that last post (and after surviving last week's constant feeling of dread) I am feeling one hundred times better about the future. I have stopped hoping desperately to get an offer at my current job, and honestly, while I love the work - at this point I'm not even sure if I'd accept one if I got it. With my chance of future employment there being uncertain, I have been forced to look elsewhere ... and I feel like the world has opened up to me.

In the last week I have sent out applications for several different gigs, all in places where I would LOVE to live. Two of the jobs are what I unquestionably describe as my "dream job". One of the others would give me more experience that would help me get my dream job. And I am still considering an LLM.

But here's the most exciting part. The part that I am pretty much giddy about. After much much discussion with the fiance, my mom, my best friend, Maddie's former foster mom, and just about anyone else who will listen, we have pretty much decided that if no offers have come my way by the time I need to make a decision about the bar, I will be taking the bar in Colorado.

The truth is that while I don't hate KC and while I do really like Larryville, I have been trying for a LONG time to figure out how to move west. The truth is that I could just as easily end up unemployed in Kansas. The truth is that if ever there was a time when we could pick up our lives and just go somewhere new this is it. Colorado (and many other mountainous places) has been calling my name for a long long time and if we are going to go, NOW is the time to do it.

I am absolutely beyond thrilled.

Will I get my dream job right away? Probably not. Hopefully I can find something though that will help me get more experience so that when the dream job does come along, I am more marketable. The fiance's job is pretty portable, so that really isn't a problem. We would be moving out there on one income ... which is a little scary ... but I am confident that it will work out.

Hopefully things won't be so uncertain. I am trying not to get my hopes up too much about the jobs I applied for this week, but if by some miracle I DO get offers, we could end up in any number of fabulous places and I will be THRILLED. But even if I don't have a job ... we may just be heading west anyway.

I'm not sure why it seems so risky. Cost of living is higher out there, but not dramatically so, at least not compared to any number of places people pack up and move to (Denver's got nothing on New York, San Diego, San Francisco ...). Part of it may be that the first time in my life that I will be financially independent will also be the first time I am living too far away from my family to be able to easily mooch off them. But I think it will be good. I think its time. I think that this is one of those things that ten years from now we'll look back on and think thank god we took that risk!.

I went from being terribly anxious last week to absolutely giddy and excited this week. Every morning I wake up wondering if this is the day that I learn something about what my future will look like, and I know that if its NOT that day, it is one step closer to me taking the reigns of my life and moving to where I want to go and figuring out how to make things work. Fortuantely, the fiance is totally down with all of this. He's excited too. Regardless of what I learn and when I learn it, it looks like we will be moving west.

* Now that I have sat down and actually looked at a bar application I have no idea what everyone is so freaked out about. I have had to dig up a few pieces of information (see: dorm room numbers from college?!) but its actually been sort of a fun exercise in sleuthing.