ghosts

Its hard to believe, considering my somewhat nomadic tendencies, but I have been a proud inhabitant of the People's Republic of Looneyville for the last 8 years (with the exception of two study abroad programs where I left for a few months at a time). This means that, since I was the ripe old age of 18, I have hung out in the same coffee shops, drank at the same bars, and eaten at the same restauraunts.

Last night, as the boyfriend and I were sitting in a downtown bar, I realized that in some ways this town is full of ghosts.

There are a finite number of bars here that I like to go to. Many of the downtown bars are way to "college" or too "frattastic" ... I didn't like them when I was in college, and I definitely don't like them now. I like to hang out at the places where the townies and older college/grad kids go ... which whittles the number of bars that I frequent down to about five or so. And at this point, every single one of those bars has a story for me.

In some ways its comforting. Its cool to be able to walk into a place and in a sense relive your past. But it makes me sad. Most of my memories from most of these bars involve people I'm either no longer in contact with or who don't live here anymore. Most of the memories involve romantic relationships of some sort, and as relationships go, there was usually some sort of emotional fallout, even from those that ended well. It makes me sad and nostalgic and overly pensive.

Don't get me wrong, I love where I am in my life right now. My life is so full of excitement and possibilities and the pieces just now finally seem to be falling into place. I honestly don't know when I've felt happier or more settled. But I sometimes miss the past.

I love this crazy mixed-up town with all my heart. I've always said that I would stay until they kicked me out, which in actuality would probably be the day I graduate from school for good, because jobs around here are hard to come by. I still think I could live here forever, but a part of me is ready to let all these ghosts go. Its a strange realization for someone who finally feels like she's "home".