i don't like this very much

My summer internship is quickly drawing to a close. I have 2.5 more weeks and then a week and a half off and then its back to the grind at school. The subject of much conversation among us three interns this last week or so has been "So ... what are you doing next year?" - which for two of us, means "What are you doing after you graduate?"

The other girl who is graduating and I both desperately want to stay with the Agency. We have no idea how many positions will be available (or if there will be ANY available, although in the last few years they seem to have hired many an intern, so the chances look good for us) and that is bringing out the competitive side of both of us. I have managed to avoid the whole cutthroat competition thing during law school because, well, it all seemed pretty arbitrary to me. Finishing in the top 10% or top 20% or top 50% really didn't mean much more than that you finished in the top 10 or 20 or 50%. But now finishing at the top of this little intern group might mean getting a job or not. The stakes are much much higher.

I don't mind competition. In fact, I'm a very very competitive person. But this whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. It has suddenly become very serious and very winner take all and a little bit behind-the-back of the other person. I talked to my supervisor about whether or not I can come back to work in the fall one day a week (answer pending - all depends on funding), the other intern went to lunch today with our supervisor to talk about tips on how to get a job. Neither of us mentioned what we did to the other beforehand. Its not like either of us is doing anything wrong or malicious, but it just feels weird and very uncomfortable. And she's made several comments that make it very clear that she knows I'm the competition. Yuck.

But with all this also comes the realization that I need to have a backup plan. I will surely apply at a few of the regional offices (although NOT all of them because some are in cities that I have absolutely no interest in living in) as well as maybe at some other government agencies and perhaps some small firms. I'll also probably look into maybe doing an LLM, to get experience, but also to give myself another year to get a job I really dig. Only problem with an LLM, along with paying for another year of school, is that it would likely take me away from the boyfriend for a year. I'm not sure how we'd handle that. I'm fairly certain he wouldn't want to move to a new city for just a year, although, I'm sure he would really like Portland.

Its all very exciting and whatnot, but also very VERY daunting. I just want to