October 2005 Archives

So somehow I managed to enroll in a class this semester without having taken a prerequisite for it. I realized this a few months in and as it didn't seem to be affecting me whatsoever, I didn't think much of it. All of a sudden this class has become all secured transactions, all the time ... and I'm SCREWED. The professor wasn't happy when I told him about this (the computer enrollment thing is supposed to NOT let you enroll in a class if you haven't taken the prereq... no clue how I managed to get around it) but he offered to help me. I have a feeling though that I'm in WAY over my head. At first I thought I could get my hands on a commercial outline and some friends' notes from the prereq class and I would be ok. But I'm still lost. And as much as I hate to admit defeat, I think I might drop the course. I could work my ass off and maybe pull off a C ... but it just doesn't seem worth it and it would certainly come at the cost of focus on my other (required!) courses!

This weekend left me exhausted. So exhausted that I shamelessly slept most of the day today. I feel no guilt about it. Everything in moderation ... including moderation ... right?

So what did I do this weekend? It started out innocently enough. The boyfriend and I went out Friday night for dinner at a swanky pizza place. "Swanky PIZZA?" you ask ... to which I answer "oh yes.". It was damn good.

The drama started yesterday when my best friend called informing us that she was pissed off at her boyfriend, considering breaking up with him, blah blah blah. He had been planning on having a Halloween shin dig at his house but it sort of never quite materialized and ended up being 10 people sitting around watching Ghost Busters and drinking. We weren't going to go but she is good at guilt tripping and "I can't go without you ... I'm so pissed at him .. you've gotta keep me from doing something stupid ... it'll just be for a little while..." Right. So I quickly threw together a little schoolgirl get up and the boyfriend, the best friend, another friend, the dog and I headed over to her boyfriend's house.

She ended up getting incredibly drunk, bad-mouthing her boyfriend publicly all night in a way that was pretty uncomfortable for everyone else. He is a very calm, very patient guy and handled it pretty well ... which only upset her more ("WHY doesn't he CARE that I'm mad?"). Her complaints with him are very legit ... but they are the things you work through ... regardless, it wasn't fun. We ended up getting home at 4 a.m. which was ridiculously late considering the fact that we weren't really having any fun at all.

To top it all off, some guy gave my dog beer. Ok, now, I know what you're thinking "You took your dog to a PARTY ... what do you expect?!" ... but ... umm ... this was like 10 people, all in their mid-to-late 20's sitting around watching movies. The guy whose house it was has a five month old puppy that Maddie likes to play with and said it would be fine if we brough her over. All was going well - she was EXTREMELY well-behaved and we didn't regret bringing her for one minute ... until I turned around and saw a guy holding a pint glass out to her while she lapped away at the beer inside. I was furious. I controlled myself pretty well ... but seriously ... he was looking at me and laughing like "hey! isn't this FUNNY!? look how cool! your dog is drinking beer!" I was PISSED. For the love of god HOW OLD ARE WE?!

Anyway ... as I said I slept most of the day away ... and it felt damn good.

And tomorrow the week begins anew.

Happy Halloween everyone.

Well people, the unthinkable has happened - I might actually have an INCOME within the next couple weeks ... and there is a possibility for an even larger income this summer.

I have two job prospects in my future.

The first is for the internship that I really really want. I haven't applied to many legal type jobs for this summer because I don't want to work at a big firm and it seems like that is most of who is interviewing on our campus. I have plenty of other places I plan to apply, but most of those aren't taking resumes yet. So anyway, the place I really want to work this summer was interviewing on campus last week. I had an interview and I think it went pretty damn well. Trying not to get too excited - will know in a couple weeks how it came out.

Then, this afternoon I went into a kick ass gear shop downtown to purchase an early Christmas present (for myself, from my parents). I got a new fleece and the orange Keen clogs that I have wante for oh so long. A friend of mine from when I used to sell outdoorsy type stuff is the manager there now and we were chatting and he said to me "you know we are looking to hire someone part time?". Could start pretty much right away, totally flexible hours, and .... DISCOUNTS and PRO DEALS!!!! Sign me up.

We just got back from seeing North Country. The end was a little too melodramatic but the story itself was amazing. For the entire two hours of the movie I didn't know whether to cry or stand up in the theatre and scream. I completely refrained from doing the latter ... as for the former, I was not so successful.

Downloading the soundtrack right now. Yay Dylan.

A few months ago a friend-turned-love-interest-turned-friend moved across the pond and has since been experiencing life in a whole new world, a long long way from home. He's always been somewhat of an unapologetic loner who seeks companionship only on his terms and tends to burn bridges rather easily.

He recently started a blog chronicling his new life. In his most recent post he talked about sacrifice and what it cost in for him to move to Europe in terms of both severed relationships and general headaches.

He talks about how you only get one chance at this thing called life and how you have to take oppurtunities as they arise, and if they don't come about on their own, you fight for them. I certainly agree with this to a certain extent - but I'm not sure that I would have made the same decision that he did.

Would I, in my mid-20s, move to Europe given the oppurtunity? Would I leave behind friends, a love interest, family, and my way of life to make my way in a new country? As cool and eye-opening as the experience would be, is there a point at which the oppurtunity cost in terms of life stability would become too great?

I feel so stangely ... grown up? domestic? (dull?)... when I think that I'm not in a place now where I would drop everything for some great adventure. Once upon a time I would have done it in a second. I would have had no problem leaving it all behind to go on some globe-trotting voyage of indefinite length. But now it seems rather unappealing ... right now I feel like the way to make the most of my life is to spend time with my friends and my family and my boyfriend and my dog. I spent a long time in my college years not wanting to feel attached to anything, wanting to feel like I could pave my own way. Was I happier then? I don't think so .... I think I was at a place in my life where I needed to feel a little rebellious and free but thats not where I am now. These days I find enormous happiness in the fact that everyone who is really important to me is less than 30 minutes away. And I'm not sure that now, at the riple old age of 26, I feel like I'd be willing to leave that all behind.

As for my friend, I have my own ideas on his motivation to leave, but I sincerely hope he remains happy with his decision, even if its not the one that I would have made at this point in my life.

... there was drama for us at the doggie park tonight.

We had been there for about an hour and the Maddie girl was playing like a good dog would with the other doggies. She was running around and having a grand old time. We were just getting ready to leave when another dog joined in. A black chow/something mix. Maddie and the chow and the soft-coated wheaten terrier she had been playing with before were off running in the field when we looked up and all of a sudden the running looked very different. It appeared that the chow was chasing Maddie (with the Wheaten just kinda following along) and someone seemed to be whimpering. When they got back to the play area the chow started to play VERY rough with her and we had a helluva time getting them apart. I've never seen Maddie look so scared. When we finally got the chow off her she just laid on the ground looking terrified. Poor baby. We looked her over and she seemed fine. The guy with the chow was very apologetic (altho I think he could have been a little more assertive in getting his dog OFF my dog) and we left, kinda shaking our heads and wondering if this dog park idea was such a good thing after all.

Two hours later I'm laying on the floor with the MadDog giving her a belly rub when I notice a little scrape next to her girly dog parts. I called Josh over and he checked her out and we found another, much deeper gash not far from the first. This second gash went clear through her skin and left a hole about the size of a dime!! You could see the tissue under the skin. It was pretty bad (and in a rather unfortunate spot). Poor poor baby.

We called the vet at home (he's a personal friend) and asked what he thought. He said to give her an aspirin, put some neosporin on it and bring her in in the morning. No emergency clinic visit necessary.

So thats the story. Our baby is injured (altho she's acting totally fine - let me clean out the wound and put neosporin on it without even a hint of opposition - what a good dog!) and I'm a little less trusting of the other dogs at the dog park. We will continue to take her, but it was a valuable lesson for us to learn to keep a little closer tabs on whose butt she's sniffing.

My social life seems to be increasingly revolving around trips to the dog park. Maddie already has several doggie friends at the dog park and I'm making a few myself. What a great way to meet cool people! I'm a bit shy when it comes to just walking up to a group and starting a conversation (altho I'm FINE talking one on one to strangers ... its the group thing that makes me nervous!) but its amazing how easy it is when your baby is off romping and sniffing the butt of someone else's baby. Dogs are great conversation starters.

The last couple times we've been out to the dog park, we've ended up staying way longer than I had expected, not so much because Maddie was having a good time (she was!) but because *I* was having a great time. I think the dog park here is especially fun because it attracts a huge array of types of people - this is a liberal artsy college town and the dog park people are a good mix of students and local artist types and townies. And everyone out there very obviously loves their dogs.

I love watching Maddie play at the dog park. Last weekend there must have been 20+ dogs, most of them pretty big, all out running around and chasing eachother. For the most part everybody got along. Every time a new dog would enter the mix there would be a little discussion amongst the dogs about who was the alpha but then once these positions were established, everyone went back to playing. Pretty cool.

I'm hoping the rain holds off this afternoon so Maddie and I can both go see our friends at the dog park.

Late one night when I was in sixth grade we got a phone call from half way across the country. I don't remember who it was on the other end of the phone or what was said. All I remember is a lot of crying and frantic attempts at making plane reservations for ASAP. My grandfather had had his second second heart attack and was in the middle of quadruple bypass surgery, and his chances of even making it out of surgery were slim.

We flew out early the next morning and were told that surgery had gone as well as could be expected, but that he had six months to a year, at most, to live. That was 13 or 14 years ago ... and my beloved grandfather is still alive and kicking.

Despite his weak heart he remained a tirelessly positive and active person, which I am convinced is why he did so well for so long. For the past 20+ years my grandparents have owned a cabin in the woods where they would go and putz around and fish and have bonfires when the weather was nice (and even when it was not so nice). He walked regularly - sometimes outside with the dog, sometimes for hours on end on the treadmill in the basement. Each of these last 13 years has felt like a gift. His doctors said it was a miracle.

But he is rapidly slowing down now. His heart is functioning at 10% of normal and the only thing keeping him alive is his pacemaker. He doesn't have the energy he used to have and keeps saying that he isn't feeling well at all - which is SO not him because he NEVER complains.

My mom called on Saturday and we talked about this for a while. She told me I need to start preparing myself for the end ... and said that as much as this has been expected for a long time, she's pretty bummed. I spent the next hour laying in bed with the boyfriend and the dog crying my eyes out. I've managed to pull it together now, but I'm just filled with this terrible sense of impending doom.

I don't know how to do this. Its funny actually, because I've lately started feeling so much like and adult. I finally feel like my future is in *my* control, like I, and only I, am making my own decisions. Hell, I even own a dog. And now, with this, I feel like a little kid again ... like a scared and confused little kid.

Mostly I don't know what to say to my mom. I'm an only child and my mom and I are like best friends - but this seems like such a complete and utter role reversal and I just don't know how to deal with it.

My best friend is an an incredibly stable 3-ish month old relationship. Things are pretty damn good there but they are moving out of the honeymoon phase into the actually getting in arguments from time to time phase, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. In my opinion, it can signify forward progress in the relationship. It means that they are comfortable enough and serious enough to actually work towards compatability.

The first of these big fights happened a few days ago. It wasn't over anything serious, and god knows many many of us have had similar sorts of fights with our significant others, but for her, it was incredibly scary. In the midst of it my friend suddenly had all sorts of doubts about her boyfriend's feelings for her and whether they were at all good together. She wondered if he was going to break up with her over this one stupid thing.

My boyfriend and I have had many many fights over the years, altho not so often these days. I remember in the early days when each fight felt like the end of the world (or at least the end of the relationship). Its sort of nice now to know that when we fight, its just that - a fight. It will be over soon and we can go back to being us. Its comforting ... and makes me that we are 3+ years into this thing and oh so stable.

Oh yeah, as for my friends, they worked things out and life is back to perfect-ish.

Sunday afternoon the boyfriend, the dog, and I laid down to take a nap. We thought it would be a 45 minute affair, an hour tops. We didn't set an alarm, figuring the dog would grow bored with this whole sleeping thing before we did and wake us up with her romping.

Three and a half hours later I woke up and realized the boyfriend, the dog, and I were all laying flat on our backs. The dog was snoring. All three of us are damn lazy.