March 2005 Archives
Last night I was internent-less for a couple hours. After some troubleshooting the computer geek boyfriend and I decided there was nothing I could do on my end and that the problem was with the internet company. And all of a sudden, I found myself with far more time than I expected last night.
I cleaned my apartment, I watched Law and Order, I went to bed early. Do I really waste this much time on the computer every day?? I might have to start turning off the internet at night because the free free time was fabulous.
Spent a good part of last night hunched over on the couch, computer in my lap, reading cases for my paper. Knew it wasn't the smartest thing in the world but didn't think I'd pay so dearly.
Woke up this morning with a distinct feeling of WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH MY BACK?! In my groggy-ness I remember feeling like any position I laid in left me in severe pain. As I began to wake up I thought I had a stiff neck - no biggie.
And then I tried to get up.
I couldn't even sit up straight in bed. It took all the energy and pain tolerance I had to reach the phone which was sitting on the dresser about a foot away... just rolling onto my side hurt something fierce.
When I was finally able to grab the phone I dialed the boyfriend's number and was barely able to mutter "Hon... my back reaaaaaaaaally hurts...." before I was overcome by dizzyness. I told him I had to put the phone down because I was about to pass out. Next thing I new I woke up and my ears were ringing and I was covered in cold sweat and the cell phone was flipped open next to me and my back hurt SO bad and I was like what the HELL just happened?
The pain was THAT bad.
My wonderful mother came and picked me up and took me to the doctor where I was told to take lots of ibuprofen and use a heating pad. It took me half an hour just to get out of bed because any movement at all hurt like the devil, but now that I'm up and mobile I'm feeling a little better.... which I suppose isn't saying much because it still feels like someone is jabbing a knife in between my shoulder blades...
The stolen flamingos have returned home (mostly) unscathed.
Now I can sleep at night once again.
headline froom Looneyville:
This has been the worst Spring Break ever. Ok, so no, the sky didn't collapse around me and my dog didn't get hit by a car, but I was hoping for one, just ONE, nice day during which I could sport the 'kini and lay in the sun working on my nonexistent tan. Unfortunately, the weather gods had other ideas and there hasn't been a single ounce of sunshine all week... in fact, we've gotten rain most days and even a bit of snow. Don't they know its springtime? Oh, and next week is supposed to be beautiful.
Anyway, the complete and utter lack of vitamin E absorption that I experienced this week forced me to look ahead to summer. If all goes right, this could potentially be my best and coolest and most memorable summer ever.
It will start with a blissful month with not a damn thing to do but train (which will be getting ever lighter as I get closer to Ironman CDA!) and soak up the sun and plan my trip to Europe. I envision myself getting up earlyish and getting my run or ride in and then going to the coffee shop and dreaming away the late morning while pouring over tour books and then its off to the outdoor pool where I will do my swim workout in my trikini and get tan. Then, June 20th or so, its off to Coeur d'Alene for Ironman!
I will then return to Looneyville around June 28th with a finisher's medal around my neck (*crosses fingers*) and just enough time to pack for 6 (or more!) weeks of life in the Austrian Alps!! I will probably still be sore from the race when I land in Munich and thus will have every excuse to spend that time "recovering" by consuming massive quantities of schnitzel and beer. Weeks will be spent studying what sounds like incredibly cool subject matter and exploring everything Innsbruck has to offer. Weekends will be spent on short jaunts to neighboring cities.
Hopefully by mid-July I will be recovered enough to get back on the road, or even better, on the trail. The information I got in the mail from Innsbruck included a map showing all the different hiking and biking trails around the town. That place is riddled with what I can only assume is amazing mountain biking. Maybe I'll find my trail legs again?
I can't wait to get this whole business started. Europe is hard to even really think about right now because there is so much that will happen between then and now... there's this hellacious Summary Judgement paper to write, a whole slew of long rides and runs to do, finals to study for (and hopefully pass), and an Ironman to finish and THEN I get to head overseas.
This semester can't pass quickly enough!
Lucky me, I got to spent not one but TWO days of my spring break at the dentist! Yesterday morning I had a long awaited appointment for a couple fillings. Today I had a cleaning. Keep in mind that I abhor going to the dentist - its miserable and painful and I lay there the whole time wanting to cry or bolt or BITE. Actually, this is only for cleanings. When I'm all blissed out on nitrous for fillings I could lay there forever....
Anyway, I figured that my cleaning appointment today would be a breeze. I can't have new cavities - I just got some filled right? WRONG. On top of an incredibly sore mouth thanks to yesterday's poking and prodding, I learned that I have THREE new cavities. THREE!
My teeth hate me. Every time I go to the dentist I have cavities. EVERY time. I admittedly don't floss every day, but I brush like a mad woman. I chew tons of sugarless gum. I eat a mostly healthy diet. I am not perfect when it comes to my teeth but I am certainly better than the vast majority of people I know who are no better than I am - and have no cavities.
At 25 I have a mouth full of metal and I worry about what things will be like 25 years from NOW.
My parents' have pretty bad teeth as well, and the boyfriend is pretty cavity prone. Our kids are screwed.
The boyfriend has begun to write about his experiences as someone recently diagnosed (or at least in the process of being diagnosed) with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. He's learning to understand the way his brain works better, and my brain is struggling to understand any of it.
I'm pathetically and embarrassingly ignorant as to what ADD is, how its diagnosed, and how its treated. Or at least, I was ignorant. I've been trying to educate myself on it as best I can. On the boyfriend's suggestion, I've started to read a book on the subject and I guess its sort of helping me to "get it"... but the thing is.... I'm not sure if I really believe in ADD.
And I feel like that makes me a terribly unsupportive significant other.
Some of the book makes sense to me... I can understand why it would be incredibly frustrating if you have a really hard time focusing... why it would be important and useful to learn ways to deal with that. I guess I'm comfortable with the idea that some people's brains have a harder time than others' staying on task. What I have a problem with is how it seems to become a scapegoat for everything.
Case in point: In the book I'm reading it talks about how this kid with ADD went away to college and came home for Christmas Break his first year with a 0.00 GPA. He failed all of his classes because he spent all his time drinking and hanging out with his girlfriend and never ever went to class. And the book blames this on ADD. What??? Umm... he failed his classes because he didn't GO to them and because he didn't study. It seems to me like that is a personal choice and is very different than "I failed my classes because I couldn't focus on the material". I want to say to him, Dude! Just GO to class and stop blaming your grades on something else!
It seems like a lot of people like to blame ADD for problems that are actually their own doing...
I said this to the boyfriend and he made the comment that saying "just pay attention!" or "just STUDY!" is like telling someone with Anorexia to "just eat" or someone with depression to "cheer up!". Its a valid analogy I suppose... but for some reason, I just can't seem to get it. Eating disorders and depression I can understand... why can't I understand this?
Don't get me wrong... I'm trying my hardest to be supportive. Regardless of whether ADD actually exists, the boyfriend is learning things that will help him get his life more in order, and that is only a good thing, regardless of the diagnosis. We've kept a very open dialogue about all of this and he says I'm being terrific, despite the fact that I don't "get" ADD and am sort of skeptical it even exists. And I believe that he really means what he's saying, but I just can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong....
I wish I knew someone who was some sort of expert in the field. I have a long list of questions that I'd love to get answered... questions about how they know this problem exists, the ways it can manifest itself in an individual, and how it can affect the goings on in a relationship.
Dear 300lb Farmer Dude,
I'd like to introduce myself. I am the girl that is often out riding her bike in the country on sunny (and not so sunny) Sunday afternoons. I'm the one who always smiles and waves hello, even tho it may mean instant disaster when the winds are such as they were today and one handed biking can be a little dicey. You seem to not notice me when I wave to you. Perhaps this is because your truck is so big that you can barely see the short girl on the midget bike waaay down there? Maybe I look like an ant to you? Surely its not because you don't like me??
I just wanted to let you know, just in case you really do see me wave to you, that it is ok to wave back. I don't bite like the dogs that run free on your property and prey on slow moving cyclists. I'm really a pretty friendly and good natured gal, and not all that different from you. Sure, I may be about half your size and wear bike shorts instead of Carharts, but I too have friends and family and enjoy music that involves accoustic guitars and banjos. And I, too, love the great outdoors. Like you, I enjoy sunshine and pretty days and being far far away from the hustle and bustle of the city.
Are you worried what others will think of you? Waving back at the chick in spandex will not cause anyone to question your masculinity, which I know you so highly value. (Truth be told, I'm not sure what waving at a man in spandex would do to your reputation amongst your peer group, but its not something we have to worry about is it?) I am a card carrying member of the fairer sex and a brief encounter between the two of us will only make your friends jealous of your studlyness.
So next time, you see the little girl on the funny bike riding past you in the opposite direction, don't give her a distrustful glare! Raise your hand (and put down that middle finger!) in a friendly salute to camaraderie, glorious weather, the open road, and the friendly spirit of the midwest!
Sincerely,
The 130 lb. Blond Chick on the Funny Bike
P.S. If you really don't want to wave, could you at least slow down just a little?
One of my best friends has a chronic and possibly terminal illness. She's had it for a lot longer than I've known her and doesn't look even remotely sick on the outside. She's healthy and feisty and active and I often forget that there is a very real threat that things could go downhill. I don't know much about this particular disease, but I'm trying to educate myself as best I can. It seems like its the kind of thing that many people live with just fine - it can be annoying and painful and but most people live to be cantankerous old folks without too much trouble. From what I've read tho, it also seems like things can go downhill frightenly quick. I read many stories of people who had been living with this disease for a long time just fine and then suddenly were gone. Its really scary.
My friend had a couple bad doctor's appointments this week and is going back on Monday for more tests. She jokes about how "if she's going to die tomorrow, she might as well have some pie tonight" ... and then asks whether I can handle black humor. I'm actually a big fan of black humor in situations like this, but when I don't feel like I really know whats going on, it takes me by surprise and I don't know what to say.
She's one of those people that has had to fight for just about everything in her life and absolutely hates it when people worry about her.... which makes it hard to know how much I really know about her health status and what the outlook is. And that is what scares me. I want to sit her down and say "Listen chickie, I love you to bits and am going to worry about you whether you like it or not, so you might as well come clean and tell me what the prognosis really is.... I'm actually really good at dealing with this type of stuff and I'm here for you through all of it... but I need to know where this really could go, and what the chances are, and how it feels both physically and emotionally for you...." ... but I know she doesn't like to talk about it ...
Despite everything I said earlier about sitting on the couch watching basketball all night, I somehow ended up sitting at a downtown bar listening to bluegrass late into the night. And the evil streak in me most certainly came out.
I met up with some friends from law school at one of my favorite bars in Looneyville. We sat at a cozy table listening to an incredible bluegrass band. One by one my friends headed home, but I decided to stay because the band was great and I was having a good time. I ended up running into an old friend of mine from undergrad. We chatted for a while about what we've both been up to lately and mountain biking and Ironman. He introduced me to a girl that I'm assuming was his girlfriend and we all had a grand time talking and drinking beer and listening to the music.
Shortly after he left, as I was getting ready to head home, I ran into, of all people, the ex. We greeted eachother and I noticed he was there with a girl... who turned out to be this chick that he's dated on an off since we broke up. They're just friends now and she and I said a quick hello and I thought the drama and awkwardness would end there. Then he informed me that his ex-girlfriend that he just broke up with a few weeks ago was sitting at the next table. Before long, she came over to say hi to him and we all sat there chatting for a while.
I must admit, I somewhat enjoyed being the center of all that. He and I chatted for a long time and while the whole encounter was completely innocent, he and I both noted slight jealous vibes coming from the other girls. I kind of liked it. Of the three girls that were there, I was the only one who was far enough removed from the situation that I could laugh about it the absurdity of the whole thing. I'm so far beyond any emotional attachment to him, that it really WAS funny.
Meeting his ex (who he is still obsessed wtih, in his own words), could have been incredibly awkward, but it was actually really cool. When he introduced me to her in the noisy bar, I'm not quite sure that she really understood who I was (which may have been a good thing). She was incredibly sweet and interesting and sophisticated and I really genuinely liked her. Its really too bad they didn't work out.... she's a super cool girl and she made him incredibly happy.
Would it not be totally awkward, she's exactly the kind of person I would want to be friends with....
(please note that this post was written after a few beers and therefor might not completely make sense....)
Ok, so I'm not really going away, but I have already become completely sucked into the NCAA Men's Basketball tournament. There are two months of the year that I'm completely useless - one is July when live Tour de France coverage takes over the Outdoor Life Network, and the other is the second half of March when March Madness reigns supreme. I sat down many hours ago planning to do some research on Lexis for my paper. I thought I could have the game (Texas vs. Nevada) on "in the background" and I was completely sucked in. Watched Texas/Nevada, the end of Gonzaga/Winthrop, the beginning of Illinois/FD, and now I'm watching UCLA/Texas Tech. I'm still sitting here on the couch with my laptop on my lap and paper covering the rest of the couch, but I have a Boulevard Irish Ale in my hand and have pretty much given up on the idea of studying. And my team doesn't even play till tomorrow.
I was somewhat productive today however. Managed to get in a two hour run in the sunshine, which meant I am not only one long-ish run closer to being ready for Coeur d'Alene, but I'm also a little less pasty white, which definitly counts for something.
I only have one class tomorrow and then begins the blissful week of drinking wine and sleeping in and laying in the sun (assuming its warm enough) that is known as Spring Break.
Now, if you wille excuse me, I have a basketball game (or fifty...) to watch, and a very tasty beer to drink.
Sorry I've been away so long. My computer up and died last week and I didn't even get to tell you all about how I was told by my professor that I smile too much and need to learn to be mean. Its a good story, but it will have to wait till next time I don't really have anything to post about.
Did I mention a few weeks ago that I had my heart totally set on getting into a particular clinic at the law school for next year? Well, I did indeed want more than anything to get accepted, and as luck or fate or karma would have it, I was rejected. Ouch. This news hit me like a ton of bricks this morning and I felt like I had in a way been dumped by my favorite professor. Rejection is a bitch no matter where it comes from. I spent the better part of the school day moping and pouting, despite the fact neither of these are especially endearing attributes. I was really really disappointed. Of course, I somewhat set myself up for this disappointment by trying to grab a much coveted slot in this clinic... there were far FAR more applicants than available positions. I figured it was worth a shot... I didn't know I'd end up being SO set on it.
Came home and continued pouting and moping on the couch for a little while and then hauled my butt out the door for a run. Returned home six miles later feeling a helluva lot better with a zillion of those cheezeball things people say to cheer you up running through my head.... everything happens for a reason... this too shall pass .... when one door closes another one opens ... and for whatever reason, those oft repeated lines made me feel better. Or maybe it was the endorphins.
Regardless, I decided to spend the rest of my night relaxing and thinking about anything other than school. I cleaned my apartment. I did yoga. I took a bath and went to the grocery store. And for the last hour I have been laying on my bed drinking peppermint tea and reading The Alchemist.
I'm feeling all relaxed and spacy and almost stoned at the moment... which is a far cry from how I felt this afternoon.
Tomorrow begins a new day....
Last night was the last home basketball game for our outstanding senior class. These guys are full of talent and integrity and personality and they will be a sorely missed part of the Looneyville basketball family. They blew their opponents away on their home turf for the last time and then took center court to say their goodbyes, in front of their familes and friends and coaches and thousands of hoops crazy fans.
In true girly style I sat on the couch and listened to their speeches on the radio... and bawled my eyes out.
While I sat there listening to each of their 15-20 minute speeches, I thought about just how cool it is that they get to stand up in front of thousands of people and say their thank you's in a very public way. How cool it is to say "This is my grandma ... its ok Grandma, you don't have to stand up... GIVE IT UP FOR MY GRANDMA EVERYBODY!" Each one of these big, strong men broke down in tears when talking about their parents and siblings and teammates. They thanked everyone (coaches all the way back through the kiddie ball days, individual professors, academic advisors, doctors, physical therapists, those who made them brownies...) individually for everything they had done to help them along the way.
It made me wonder who I would thank and how well I would hold up in such an emotional moment... what would I say? How would I say it? What can I learn from what they said last night? How can I show my gratitude? Being so emotional on such a huge stage makes me incredibly squeamish... and I don't even have this macho tough guy athlete exterior that I am trying to maintain.
So I skipped all my classes yesterday thanks to this cold that seems to have ravaged my will to live (or at least study). This morning I couldn't sleep anymore and felt significantly better so I got up and hopped on the bike in the living room for an hour, made some coffee, and even went to school early to catch up on reading. Felt ok through Crim Law but about half way thru property I got a pounding headache and my body temperature temperature started doing all sorts of weird things. And I had that I need to get out of this classroom RIGHT NOW feeling. So I did.
Umm... at least I made it through a class and a half?
The good news is I turned in my application to the clinic I really really want to do next year. Chances of getting in are slim... there's a whole lot of people vying for the 15-20 slots, but you never know. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
